NEW BEGINNINGS

Our homeschool journey is not always free of worry because we realize through the years that time with our children is fleeting.  During the early years, we have the power to either teach them self-sufficiency or expose them to being vulnerable.

Fixating on curriculum choices is normal also because our desire to give our children a superior education is important to us.  Raising independent learners is not just about browsing curriculum choices even though I couldn't have been convinced otherwise when I first started my adventure.

Keeping a clean house, managing our finances and the needs of my small children consumed my day when they were younger. Many times I felt like I was behind in using that new captivating curriculum in my schoolroom.  Everyday tasks left me with the idea that I was not teaching anything.

What I didn't expect now is that I would treasure the experience of raising independent learners through everyday living. Chores and task that seemed mundane at the time have now turned into a daily exercise of having a personal resolve for whatever Mr. Senior 2013 sets out to do. Sure, it's a work in progress with all of my sons, even with Mr. Senior 2013.  But, the time spent with him is the most precious gift I could give him.

There are different tips for each age and maybe some of these, I hope, will comfort you.

• Start a routine of chores when they are very young. Preschool and earlier is not too young to start. It could be something as easy as taking their socks to their room.   At this age, it is all about age appropriate chores.  If children can't learn from the beginning to value a toy, their article of clothing or anything else in their room, then they will place little value on what you tell them as they grow older. Respect begins here.

• Routine is the security blanket of good behavior.  Many times in my workshop I share that everybody has some degree of organization though they may not think so. True, it may need to be fine tuned so that it becomes a routine instead of haphazardly responding to each day, but routine means forward progress. It is not easy to break bad habits but your desire to want something better for your children will show them what you value in your life. In turn children feel secure because naturally they desire boundaries and limitations. Creating routine in everyday life turns into good habits they practice as they grow older.
  

• Children need to make decisions so you can determine if they are applying the values you have taught. Spending time with your children now more than ever before is important, but it is not easy a lot of times.  Children do not always think they need our guidance. As children grow older we tend to think they need us less. This is true when it comes to them caring for their personal needs now, but couldn't be further from the truth as their hormones rage. Normal hormones indicate that they are trying to make some adult like decisions.  Allowing them to make as many decisions as possible that do not conflict with your values helps them to appreciate the freedom that comes with adulthood. Teaching independence comes from them making decisions such as what order of school subjects they do for the day, where they choose to study and even how much they want to cover in each subject. 
  

• Clear cut consequences a must while resisting the urge to partake in a battle of the wills. Hormones raging for both mom and child can be a lethal combination. The difference is that most children don't realize what is going on and it's not easy for us either. However, being a homeschooling parent means parenting even when we do not feel at our best. It seems that our pre-teens and teens just have a knack for knowing we are not at our peak performance. I find that having clear cut boundaries keeps any comments or actions from escalating into a full blown battle of the wills. I may not feel good then but when I am feeling better that is the time to enforce consequences. Reminding my sons of consequences teaches them to think before they have knee-jerk responses.  Don't be too critical of them though because hormones are real and it is not something we "get over" but deal with each day in love even as adults.
  

• Highschool is preparation for life. Focusing on just the academic portion is normal, but you learn too that highschool is the time to prepare for adult hood. Of all the times that Mr. Senior 2013 needed me, I realize he needs me the most here and now. No, he doesn't act like that each day but many times he needs a sounding board for what he determines that needs to be done next as he graduates.

Young adults now find that sweet maturity may not always be so sweet, it can also be bitter.  It is a bitter sweet conclusion for them as they determine whether they are driving, working a job and possibly already doing college that adult life is sweet, but making wrong decisions can be bitter.  You do not have to make decisions alone in highschool and this is comforting. If you have done your job well training their strength of character when they are younger, you will have a pre-adult who may have sound opinions and a method for reaching the same goals.

• Raising independent dependents. Lately, I use this term a lot because I think it describes the age of highschool. They want independence but realize that we are not all truly independent even as adults. This is still a time of testing boundaries because your children may feel they know a lot of things better than you do. They may or may not. Whatever the case, if they are not taught to respect you and your guidelines they will not respect others, their future spouse, school mates or work mates.
  

Respect is earned inside your home. This means I give respect to my sons too. Raising their voice, exercising argument muscles and flexing their adult voices are part of learning to be an adult.  You are the only one to determine when the boundary line has been crossed. We can't expect to raise independent learners then at the first sign they are trying to be independent, we shoot them down. Modeling adult behavior begins with you. Their job is to finish the goals you have set down for them and if they can't do that and work at a job, volunteer, work out at the gym or spend time doing their hobby they are so fond of, then this is the time to teach them how to prioritize as an adult.

Teaching our children to be resilient today is a necessity to survival. It is our job to shield, protect and care for our children as they are young and tender but as they grow older and their decision making ability grows, we need to give up control without giving up our God given authority. They still need our guidance even as young adults.

Failure is best learned at home when there is not much riding on the decision. When they are on their own, or are making decisions for a family as a head of household then consequences of wrong decisions are more costly.

Either resisting or fulfilling the responsibilities of adult life are qualities that are fortified when they are very young. It is hard to even comprehend the value of what seems like wasted days when our children argue with us about chores and manners, but your children will praise you when you have taught them to stand on their own two feet. 

Hugs and love ya,

If you missed any part of this series, click below.

5 Day Series: A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid Year & Thriving - Day 1 - Mind-set Matters

A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid-Year & Thriving Day 2: Mission Accomplished + Free Planner Forms

5 Day Series: A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid-Year & Thriving: Day 3 - Forward Looking-Homeschool Planning

Be sure to grab the newest form for your curriculum planner on the post above.

5 Day Series: A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid-Year & Thriving: Day 4 - At Home Homeschooler

Socialization, curriculum, record keeping, homeschooling high school and preschool preparedness are some of our secret homeschool fears.  Trying to only satisfy requirements and produce proof instead of allowing learning to take place naturally at home can be a pitfall.

We live in a world where our culture dictates that we have proof to show anything that we are doing.  For example, I think back to the day we got our marriage license. To give any more thought to the marriage license than just to fulfill the legal requirement is ludicrous to even ponder.

 At home is where we practiced years on our marriage that I cherish deeply.

Though important, meeting homeschool legal requirements is just a process too, but to homeschool to only meet legal requirements can impede learning. We don't intentionally homeschool to only meet legal requirements, but we are victims of our upbringing and the influence of the present educational world. 

A fresh start homeschooling mid-year and to thrive at it requires that we first be at home to practice our new cherished relationships. It does not mean that we barricade the door to our home, but it means we stand ready to open up the door to new opportunities to experience learning. In today's homeschool world that is called deschooling.

I have heard many definitions of deschooling, but I want to give you mine. Deschooling means to get off the public school treadmill which encompasses everything about the way the public system views schedules, socialization, discipline, labeling of children, teacher background, record keeping, college readiness, preparation for reading and education in general and determine what education means for your family. Many homeschoolers start  with a textbook in hand and with no more forethought to the process of education at home than just to complete worksheets, assign a test and move on.

This definition by Noah Webster that I share in one of my workshops beckons you to define your meaning of education too.

EDUCATION. The bringing up, as of a child, instruction; formation of manners. Education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations. To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable; and an immense responsibility rests on parents and guardians who neglect these duties.

Bring your children home, but define your meaning of education also. Step back, breathe and brace yourself up for a lifestyle that will fit your family for a lifetime.

Deschooling also means substituting other activities now in your life that are family centered instead of self-centered on one member of the family. It can mean taking numerous field trips in one month, taking a family vacation and even getting caught up on much needed rest. It may mean adjusting the eating habits of your family. The definition by Noah Webster broadens our term of educating a family beyond the academics.

The length of the deschooling process is different for everyone, but it should be examined at various points during our homeschool journey.  When a schedule is jammed packed full of outside activities because we fear that our children may not be socialized, then our focus has shifted from the needs of our family to the world's idea of socialization. Maybe we forced one child in tears to finish an assignment because the world told us that teaches accountability.  Deep down in our heart though our mommy voice may be calling out that our child is suffocating and his self confidence is diminishing.  Time is needed to examine and heal those emotions.  At home homeschooling means that we have had enough time at home pondering our definition of education, applying it to our children and celebrating the calming effects on our family. For some families it has meant several months of being home together so that sibling relationships are nurtured and so that parents become the teen's greatest friend. Some families find that it takes a whole year before they feel that they have embraced the homeschooling lifestyle. It does not mean that you do not school but it means that you now determine how the knowledge you are teaching will fit into your definition of education.

 Outside intervening pressure to conform to a norm that does not work for our family has now been kept to a minimum. Our culture upbringing still looms close by when fear sets in or when we fail.  Pressure to conform to the norm that we left behind will always be here. 

At home teaching our children everyday will give us the courage to keep trying when we succumb to pressures.  Shedding educational-ese and accepting a new mind-set only happens when we have had sufficient time at home to contemplate all our ideas on education.

No one sets out on their journey to live a double life style. It happens easily when we try to keep one foot in the public school by keeping pace with the scope and sequence and one foot at home. Courage is a necessity for all at home homeschoolers so you are not alone. Detox from public school by deschooling and rediscover how easy learning can take place at home without limits or confinements by embracing your definition of education.

Hugs and you know I love ya,

If you missed the other posts in this series. Click below on each day.

5 Day Series: A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid Year & Thriving - Day 1 - Mind-set Matters

A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid-Year & Thriving Day 2: Mission Accomplished + Free Planner Forms

5 Day Series: A Fresh Start - Homeschooling Mid-Year & Thriving: Day 3 - Forward Looking-Homeschool Planning

Planning is nothing more than forward-looking and then penning those thoughts to paper. Planning can be painless and pleasant. It can also become painful or a burden when we don't know the basics or lose the simplicity of how to do it. In our determination to be conscientious homeschoolers, we may clutter up our day with multiple subjects. Stress sets in because we may feel all subjects are equally important. Then the hours don't equal to the number of subjects we determine that needs to be covered.

Getting started planning or taking time to review your present lesson planning method mid-year can be broken down into simple steps.

1. Know Your Subject and Subjects. It is an easy mistake to make. Take your children out of the grade they are in at public/private school and put them in the next grade up in homeschool. Grade matters very little in homeschooling because it does not correspond to mastery. Knowing your child or subject takes time. But because you may want to have curriculum in hand to start school, you have to take other steps. If you live in a state or country where you are not held to burdensome laws then take your time using very basic workbook style pages to see which subjects your child is struggling in and which ones he is bored with. Many curriculum providers provide free on line testing and this will help you to make a better fit grade wise regardless of your child's age.

Click here to read The A, B, C's of Picking Curriculum, Part 1 under E for Evaluate to find some free testing resources.

Take time to know your subject or child before you spend dollars on curriculum for a whole year.

Another mistake made by many homeschoolers is to pile subject on top of subject to our children's day. If one is good, then surely ten subjects would be enrichment or so we may think.

How do you determine what the essentials are so that your subject load stays streamlined? You may not be a seasoned educator but you know more than you realize. Take a lesson from the past. One room schoolhouses focused on the 3 R's. That is the secret. It is not very glamorous sounding but reading, writing and arithmetic are the solid mainstays of a well educated child.

If you are struggling on when and how long these subjects are to be covered, I get more specific in a 3 part series I covered named: What Subjects to Teach and When to Teach Them.

What Subjects to Teach and When to Teach Them.

Click here to read Part 1.

Click here to read Part 2.

Click here to read Part 3.

Click here to see a visual table or checklist for each grade.

The other subjects are enrichment and make learning a delight. However, if a child is struggling with any of the 3 R's, then all of the subjects can become contemptible to say the least. For example, your child may love to learn about the animals of the rainforest. However, when it's time to write a few sentences about them, he shrieks in terror and almost passes out at the thought of it. Tears normally follow because children don't know how to articulate that something is not right. Maybe he is struggling with fine motor skills and your expectations are too high. You may want to work on composition but he may not have the basics of penmanship down yet. If you are a creative writer and your child is not, does he live with the fear of disappointing you? Children can have black and white standards. They are either all on board or not at all when it comes to homeschooling. If they are not on board, then all subjects can be considered wearisome, boring and mundane.

2. Determine an approach. There are 5 basic approaches to homeschooling. Traditional, Charlotte Mason, Classical, Unit Studies and Relaxed or Unschoolers. Avoid painful planning by sticking to the approach that works best for your family at the moment. It doesn't mean you don't investigate the others as you have time. It does mean that you focus on learning all you can about the approach that works best for your family.

I hear all the time that some homeschoolers are so overwhelmed by curriculum choices. But if you will remember to categorize them by these approaches and investigate only the curriculum that works fits the approach you are using now, you only have 1/5 of the curriculum to review.

Why try to educate yourself on what is working for everybody's children? You will be a much better teacher if you just focus on the 3,4,5, 6 or 8 children you have.

3. Assign a time. Pen it. Now that you are more acquainted with your subject or your children and the subjects to consider in school, you have to "assign it all a place". By penning the subjects, which children you will be working with and how long you will be doing this, it becomes realistic. We avoid having more subjects in our day than we have hours to school. Pretty looking subject lists with no time slots in our day are stress inducers and turn ugly looking quickly.

Whether you use a phone, iPad, computer or printed curriculum planner to organize your lesson plans, you need to assign it all a place.

I have always said that lesson planning for me is better done the old fashion way with paper and pen.

Taking time to pen and assign hours in my day to the subjects helps it to stick in my mind. It also creates balance in my day because one subject is not covered more than another or completely overlooked. If the schedule is not working, it allows me to go back and see where I need to adjust time slots. Over-planning and no planning brings pain. I provide free forms to help you keep it real and get it all done.

Click here to go to STEP 2. Form 13 named Class Schedule/Teacher Schedule.

These three basic steps have to be reviewed each year, whether you are a new or seasoned educator. Planning can be rewarding because it rejuvenates our love for learning and creates homeschool harmony and balance.

 Hugs and love ya,

If you missed the first two days in this series. Click below

Click here to read Mind-set Matters: Day 1.

Click here to read Mission Accomplished: Day 2.

Deciding to homeschool at the first of the year or to renew your love for homeschooling by starting fresh, both require a positive mind-set.

I know you may want to talk shop, as in shop for curriculum.  However, from helping others who have succeeded in making homeschool a lifestyle change, I am convinced that the choice of curriculum in the beginning matters very little. 

What does matter is a positive mind-set. It probably is a topic very few new homeschoolers or even seasoned homeschoolers may think about.  Months or even years into their journey, a family may find the struggle is harder because at the beginning they didn't simmer over the change.

Understanding what a mind-set is will help you to avoid drudgery along the way or at least minimize it. One of my favorite dictionaries, The New Oxford American Dictionary defines mindset as: "established set of attitudes held by someone."

So I am asking you: Are you in a homeschool state of mind?  Adopting an established set of attitudes does not happen overnight.  

Established means . . .

I thought about this quote when writing about this topic and because I have an upcoming workshop next week.

"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart."

~Vincent van Gogh~

  Want to read some more?

Things Seasoned Homeschoolers Know

Second Chance Homeschooling - Should We Leave Feelings of Guilt?

Have You Learned the Secret to Homeschool Joy?

Homeschool: My Kids Are Not Really Excited About Anything

Finally, next week, I will share our last activity we did on the FBI unit study and the first lapbook. Thanks for being so patient about it. Between being ask to guest blog and being on Homeschool Freebie of the Day, I had two nice unexpected surprises to start off my new year. I think I am finally caught up.

Hugs and love ya,

Learning at home presents unique storage needs. We are always wanting more book space and spaces used creatively. If you are wanting to set up a homeschool room or just change it around you find out that ideas that come from playrooms are sometimes too playful, a home office can be too officey {is that a word} and a craft room is too crafty.  If we don't have a school room because we school at the kitchen table and part living room we still need creative spaces for storage.

What I do is take inspiration from all the rooms mentioned above and create a learning space. I can never get enough tips and ideas for spaces and learning places. I will be rounding up unique finds and then just some ordinary tips as reminders and putting them in a series.

Some tips from a public classroom will work at home and visa versa. Hopefully you can find something that inspires you to use your area to the full. Where possible, if a link  was given, I have linked each image so you can read about the space.

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You may recognize this school room from Confessions of a Homeschooler by Erica. What you soon find out is that your kids outgrow those sweet little desks and tables sooner than you realize. But they are still not tall enough to sit a high kitchen table. A craft table is a great idea because there is tons of room on top and chairs can be adjusted. Look at all that storage by using the center of the room. Do you see that trick? Free the wall to haul in more stuff.

                  {source}                                                                                                   {source}

This honey pine trestle table is ideal as well. The storage baskets under the table work out good. I would take notice of the sharp corners with a toddler that is using the table to pull up like my little ones did.  To me this works good for several preschoolers.  Look at this cool idea for the storage back with writing material . It hooks right beside the desk. Pretty, but something more durable would even be better.

Confession time. Do you want to hear about some of my blunders? If I share just three of my mistakes maybe they can save you some grief.

Isn't that hard to do? Especially because I was the product of public school. For example, I never questioned why I needed to test, I just blindly followed the masses. I realized that leaving the public school mentality didn't mean not using some of the practical tips that did work in public school at home. Because we live in this world, it's hard to not be affected by the pressure of "test, perform and out do". My sons are just normal boys who have been privately tutored by me. That's all. I left public school because I didn't want to model it at home, not just change geography.

I am guilty. It seemed like some other mom had this whole homeschool thing figured out. Then I find out later her beginnings were as humble as mine. I thought other dads did more of the teaching until I realized that statistics show that about 85% or more of the teaching is shouldered by the mother. I guess it just sounded good when dad did a science experiment with their sons. My science experiments were not that exciting in the beginning. Can you say boring teacher?

Boring and now a show off. Yes, I thought I had to "show off" my progress to my mother in law who was not supportive of our decision to homeschool. I had to prove her wrong and was humbled in a lesson I won't forget. Showing off my teaching skills, I asked my first son who I was teaching to read to show us the long i sound. Yes he did. He promptly went and got the longest piece of white butcher paper he could tear off the huge roll. Laying the paper, twice as long as grandma, on the floor, my poor baby proceeded to draw the longest i I had ever seen.

Humble me Lord for I needed it for the road ahead.

Like many new homeschoolers, I too focused solely on my children and their need for a support group, curriculum, socialization and field trip. I took me a few years before I realized that the best way to help my children was to become the best teacher I could be.

A public school teacher is required to take continuing education classes. Why shouldn't I?

If I didn't take time to read blogs, join support groups, buy teacher helps and attend homeschool conventions I couldn't say I was schooling for my children. Feelings of guilt that I had associated with longing to interact with other homeschool moms had to be left behind. Association has to be a vital part of my everyday teaching. Online forum groups were not a waste of time but needed for refreshment and encouragement. Like all things, the time I took for educating myself and camaraderie had to have a place in my life to be balanced.

Your turn: Do you have a story we can learn from? I hope someone can learn from my mistakes.

I thought about this quote today because after many repeated failures, pursuit can turn to passion for homeschooling..

"Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive."

~ Stacey Charter ~

Hugs and love ya,

Have you ever had one of those weeks? Plans go awry even with the best planning. My plan the last few days was to change out my sluggish router over the weekend, blog about starting my how - to series soon, finalize the French and Indian War Lapbook and just be on task with what I wanted to share.

Let me see, my router didn't work after I thought I reconfigured it so I was without internet for a day or so. My Home Management Binder needed more pockets for all the kitchen appliance warranties and papers I added, my how to series post is still waiting to be drafted, the French and Indian Lapbook is sitting here too and oh yes the new air conditioner went out in my home.

Trying to "fix" the complete waste of the last few days, I decided we would head to Barnes and Nobles to pick up a few books we have been eyeballing. Smelling the aroma of fresh brewed coffee when I walked in, I had hopes that the rest of my day would be uneventful if I could just grab my caffeine fix.

Wrong. As I got ready to pay for the books and presented my educator's discount , the lady at the checkout counter ask me what grade did I teach. As I have done a zillion times before I kindly informed her I was a homeschooler not a public school teacher.

Her reply was "Mom those kids are going to have to get out of the house sometimes." {here the end of my kindness stopped}

Before I could pray for a more mild and gentle reply {mild person I am so not} I answered "What makes you think that they do not get out? Tell me what is so normal about folks who hold kids as captives in one room with four walls all day long competing for one teacher's time? Institutions are for prisoners. "

Ouch. ouch. ouch.

Recalling my words in our workshops when teaching the New Bees of how not to respond to someone, I just didn't know if I could redeem homeschooling or myself.

The silence seemed longer but I finally was able to come back with a more eloquent reply and shared all the activities that my kids participated in.

The lady shared that one son was a principal of a school and her daughter is a teacher. As a proud mother of her children and rightly so, public school was her whole life. Explaining that I have respect for any public school teacher, our conversation lead to her ask many other questions about homeschooling. The outcome was overall positive but not before a lot of reflection on my part.

I try to lead by example but I fall short many times. In the end, I want it to always be about the sheer delight and immense satisfaction every day I get from being with my children.

I never did grab my coffee fix. Have you ever felt like you wanted a do over?

Printables are ready for the next section of our Home Management Binder.

Thinking about those times when not all goes as planned, reminds me of this quote for today

{"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret."}

~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee ~

Hugs from "back on track"

Picture:Todd Wilson

I tend to be dramatic when I imagine how things are going to be. Is that a nice way of saying I can be delusional?

When I started homeschooling, I had visions of children so eager to learn each day around our little public school desk. My house would be kept tidy every day, laundry would never get more than a load or two behind and meals would be on the table at 5:00 p.m. on the dot. Delusional I am telling you.

High levels of confidence, conviction and fortitude can wane easily if we enter the "what if....." world of homeschooling. It goes something like this.

What if

.......I start to homeschool and my children get behind?

.......I choose not to test my children, am I doing them a disservice?

.......I am not a creative person? I might be the most boring teacher.

.......I can't find friends for my children?

.......I decide that I want to put my child back in public school?

......my health or my children's health prevent me from homeschooling?

......while I am pregnant I do not do my kids "justice "because I am too sick to teach them?

......I am not prepared for the upper grades?

We resist the urge to homeschool in the "what if....." world by applying these "C" tips.

Commitment. Having practical teaching tips is important, however, that can be gleaned over any period of time. Commitment is attached to an obligation. In some ways, I view my commitment to homeschooling like the marriage vow I made to my husband 23 years ago. It is a guarantee that I will do everything in my power to make it work. Is a long term commitment for "just a year"? In my workshop and support group, Kelley and I both encourage you to view your homeschooling journey as a long term commitment. Instead of bringing stress by applying pressure on your child to perform you start thinking of "milestone markers". We plant certain milestone markers we want to reach for the long term.

Camaraderie. Even though we can be consumed with the "nuts and bolts" of how to lesson plan, or how to teach writing, how to teach reading, or how to prepare a top notch high school transcript, it is the companionship of other homeschoolers that is the true glue that makes us stick to homeschooling. In the camaraderie of our local homeschool support groups, summer homeschooling conventions, blogs and on line support groups, there is always somebody who understands our similar circumstances.

Conscientious. Though many of us may live in states or countries where we do not need to test or keep attendance, our being attentive to our duties as parent and teacher keep us principled. We do not adopt lax attitudes about our house, our school, our worship, or our families. Again, we let go of the "what if...." world because our heart and conscience are stronger forces than any test score and they can motivate us to keep going.

My dramatic idealist person has not completely left, but my sons have done their work on many types of desks. We eat meals close enough to 5:00 and there is always a load or two of laundry I could do.

The homeschooling "what if..." world is full of worry and guilt. Resist the urge along the way re-enter it. What counts in a journey is the ending.

• Free Lapbook on French and  Indian War is almost done
• Next printables for our Home Management Binder
• More printables on The World of Columbus
• Some articles on the "how to's" of homeschooling

Hugs for today ya'll.

What does a diamond and a strong willed child would have in common? At first thought, one may think absolutely nothing.

Forming a diamond takes intense heat, pressure and if made naturally can take a long time to develop. Diamond is named from the Greek word adamas meaning "unconquerable." They are valued for their beauty and rarity. Whatever the complexities of how diamonds are formed, the end result is a precious and valued gem.

But can we say the same thing about our strong willed child? Our strong willed child can be molded in a lot ways like a diamond. Our view of the process of training and molding a strong willed child can affect our journey and the outcome.

Pressure can be a good thing for our children when applied correctly. This is not the same as forced learning which can ruin the natural love we all have for learning. Like the diamond, some natural pressure is necessary in order to achieve our goals.

Along with the resistance to this pressure there is usually rebellion. Can you look past the nasty looks from your teens or preteens to find the root of the problem?

I am not saying overlook rebellion. I have learned to take a teen's bedroom door off its hinges when needed. Don't accept rebellion but disagreeing with you is not always rebellion. The pre-teen or teen's manner may need to be worked on but can you look past that to come up with a plan for a child that is defiant and strong will?

Here are some tips that will and will not work.

1. As adults we all want a voice when it comes to determining our day. Children are much the same. Give them an ear to show you care AND if you can incorporate their suggestion into the day, then no matter how much you may think it can't be done, let them try. Failure is a good teacher . But also try to make their suggestion work, show yourself a willing participant in their plan.

2. Expectations need to be clearly defined without resorting to losing your temper. I have a son who tried to push the limits. One day he just decided that he was not going to do math. He was not going to do it lying down, he was not going to do it sitting up, he was not going to do it outside, he was not going to do it inside.

One quick tempered child to one quick tempered mother does not a good combination make and I knew it. So my expectations were very clear that he was doing his math. So at the end of the school day and because it was Friday, we were on our way into the living room to watch a movie and have ice cream. When he showed up to be with us, guess what he could not do? And because I knew movies and ice cream were the "object of his affection", I just withheld them. Did I mention how calm I was as as his sweet, little precious nostrils flared out and blew steam? He got the message and completed his math in 20 minutes that had been a tug of war for the whole day.

This type of personality needs very CLEAR expectations and then FOLLOW THROUGH on consequences.

3. What will not work is argumentative words. This type of personality thrives in an environment where he is waiting to debate with you. "Just Dare Me" can be their motto at time. Be reasonable and calm, yes hard to do, but think about your other children looking on. This strong will child just needs boundaries and will push them and test them.

Defiant, willful, rebellious and confrontational are a few traits of this type of child. This is only what is displayed on the outside. If we examine our child closer, we see that the inside person is different.

Unlike the diamond, we are not looking to conquer them or break their spirit. Their strong spirit can set them apart from others when channeled to do so and they rise up as leaders. Determined, willing and respectful you will gain.

Value, nurture, guide and be determined to polish your priceless gem in the making.

And FINALLY, my American Revolution is up on our website! You can go here to download each minibook when you get time. Here is a link to the cover above.

Silhouettes are a type of shadow picture. They have been made for centuries and became very popular during the life time of George Washington. Go here to read more about them during this period.

And more freebies for tomorrow, hugs for today. I thought about this quote when it comes to what it really takes to homeschool a willful and defiant child.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

~Mark Twain ~

(most all young children are Wiggly Willy learning style. You need to wait until they are closer to 9 or 10 years old to be sure you have correctly identified their learning style. However, you may get some tell-tale signs early on when you notice them playing. Here my youngest one has "neatly" stacked blocks and his play area is "organized" in that he just gets out ouf the box what he need instead of dumping the whole thing over. Perfect Paul tendencies I noticed  then and YES guess what? That IS his learning style now that he is older.)

Like any tool, if it's used in the wrong way it can cause damage or be damaged. Our children are similar.

If we don't educate ourselves about each child's strengths and weaknesses in their learning style, then we won't help each child reach their full potential. Early on, I looked for signs of the type of learning style each one of my sons would be.

Let's define learning style because I don't mean modes. What is mode? It has to do with the senses (touching, seeing, hearing). There is plenty of free information on the senses. You probably already know if your child prefers visual over auditory instructions or visa versa.

My definition of learning style is a personality. It means what we prefer to learn and how we communicate to others. Cathy Duffy has to be given credit for coining terms like Perfect Paul, Competent Carl, Socialable Sue and Wiggly Willy. Instead of using words like concrete sequential learner, you can now "picture" the type of learner, for example, that a Wiggly Willy is. He wiggles and needs to move.

Like the tool mentioned before, it is "wired" to be used one way. Ever thought about changing a blender to a toaster. Yes seems absurd but that is exactly what some of us do when we start homeschooling.

Instead of accepting our child's learning style, we try to "change" their personality to study subjects the way "we" think is best or study in the location "we" feel is best.

If we think there should be no moving while school is going on and the child should always be looking us otherwise they are distracted we will have huge problems if we have a Wiggly Willy.

What we need to understand as home educators is that children WANT to please us. When we appear to think something is wrong with them because we don't change our methods of homeschooling, a child usually has no choice except to default to tears and lots of them. Too, acting up is another sign something is wrong. If the tears or acting up is not because of rebellion, you can be breeding a resistant learner.

The best book that helps to define and give you characteristics about learning styles is Cathy Duffy's Top 100 Picks on Curriculum. Yes, its more than a reference for curriculum, it is a manual on personalities. Then the book even matches up learning styles to help you make a better choice for curriculum.

And no, I don't get anything for talking about this book, I only want to see you succeed at homeschooling.

Hugs for today and remember this quote as you educate yourself, stay flexible to change to your child's needs and be determined to do what is best for them not just comfortable for you.

If a man (or child) does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. (italics mine)

~Henry David Thoreau~

©2011 Tina Robertson of New Beginnings